i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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