I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
