Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
