Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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