I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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