she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
