All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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