Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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