he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
