question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka?
Forever.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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