The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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