It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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