she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
