he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
