There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
