Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
