She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
