if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
