sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
