we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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