can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
