She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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