3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
