I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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