I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize