she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
