Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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