if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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