like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I love having hate sex.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
