My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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