OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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