overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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