He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
