You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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