Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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