Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize