scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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