I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize