i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I deserve this hangover.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
