I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
