You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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