I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
