I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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