Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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