Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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