I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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