Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
