Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
