ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
