My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
