I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
