We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
