he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
