I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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