so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
