I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
