He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
