Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
