She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
