So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
