guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
