That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
