Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
