i need an iv and a liver transplant
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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