A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
