wat bout pragnant strippers??
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My balls are so social today.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
