What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
