I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
