I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
