when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
