god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
