my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
