it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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