considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
