i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
