I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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