Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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