the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
