The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
