Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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