I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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