Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
