It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
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Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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