Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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