Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Rumble strips road head = magical
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
