i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
